A Pirate’s Life for Me

According to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride in Disneyworld, a pirate’s life is downright inviting. Being drunk and slovenly is all right with pirates and you can even take a nap right there in the mud with the pigs. Plus, when you do awaken from your alcohol induced slumber, it’s perfectly acceptable to fire your pistol, get in a fight or even chase wenches all over town. Who wouldn’t want to be a pirate?

The movie of the same name adds further evidence that a pirate’s life is full of boundless joy and adventure. And what young boy never dreamed of being a pirate one day, sailing the seven seas plundering riches from any who dared cross his path? Pirates have even been known to become baseball players in Pittsburgh and football players in Tampa, and in Oakland, too.

Why then, I wonder, that of all the images the industries could have conjured did the software and music moguls decide that it was bad to be a pirate? How can these educated leaders expect to stop the copying and distribution of their products if they call the perpetrators pirates? The term piracy doesn’t villify anything, it romanticizes it. Our entire society romanticizes it for that matter. A carefree life. Easy riches. Man, who wouldn’t want to be a pirate?

These days, of course, few of us own schooners that can cut through pitching seas at breakneck speeds of several knots (except for my neighbor, Rex, but that’s the topic of another post). But CD burners and the software to power them are readily available. Which means that any of us can become pirates anytime we want, if we so choose. Now, before you think I’m encouraging copying software or music illegally, I’m not. I’m just saying it’s pretty tough for anybody to resist getting a chance to fulfill the childhood fantasy of being a pirate when the tools of the trade are right there at their fingertips. Pretty tempting indeed.

You just can’t stop somebody from doing something you don’t want them to do by calling them a name that makes them grin with delight. No, moguls, go back to the boardroom and try again if you really want to quit chasing after copiers. It only works when you call them something disgusting, or something no one wants to be. In that vein, I suggest Software Saddams or maybe Music Maggots. But pirates? C’mon, who wouldn’t want to be a pirate? Now excuse me, I have to go load my pistol, quaff a few ales and teach me parrot to swear. Aaargghh.